You're my little dorito
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
