he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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