Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My pussy is not your playground.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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