good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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