apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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