i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
