She announced her abortion via fbk
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
