just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
