In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
