How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
