i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
