THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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