i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
