oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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