sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
