My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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