The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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