then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
