My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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