"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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