I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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