The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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