Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
