i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
