problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
