Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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