So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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