i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
