I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
