btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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