Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
