tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
