I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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