come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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