my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
