If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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