I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
