Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
