her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
