somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
