I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
