Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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