I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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