I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
