Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
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