WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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