Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I will be naked everywhere
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
