One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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