The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
