That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
