Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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