Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He? As in you personified your dick?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
